Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
