you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
