he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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