Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
