btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
