my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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