i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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