i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
PANTIES FOUND
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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