I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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