I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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