Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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