I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
this hospital has no fireball
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
