He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
