she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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