I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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