i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
