I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
