It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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