My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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