saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
