Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
