just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
