One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
