Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
