I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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