Who wears a wallet chain?!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
