I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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