return my video game
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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