my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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