david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
only you would photoshop your dick
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
