I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
