He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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