Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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