she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
