So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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