I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
