WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
