i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
