your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
