We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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