You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
