im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
