there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
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Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
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Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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