I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
