you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
