beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
