Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He shit in the fireplace
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
