I can text with my tongue
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
