remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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