3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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