have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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