I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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