I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
