I don't think brook has ever known best
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
