There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
