You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
