I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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