She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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