The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
