come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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