I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
