Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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